Hi! Thanks again for thousands of views even though I'm thousands of years late on these posts. So, I told you the albums I chose for this series would be completely unexpected and weird. Well, I bet even when I told you that, you wouldn't expect me to actually review this criminally overrated mess of an album in a million years, did you? If you haven't already guessed just by the color and font of the image above, it's... *sigh* Brat. By Charli XCX. Which is apparently already like one of the most iconic albums of the past decade or something, and it has one song that's literally about underwear.
I was expecting to rant for millions of words about the current state of the music industry and the general public's flawed views on what kinds of music should become popular due to the apparent lack of quality in the lyrical writing and musical composition of a majority of the most popular music of the past couple of years completely overshadowing those who deserve public recognition for pure talent and effort, but I gave this album a few listens and... maybe it's not the worst thing ever? There's still plenty of characterless stuff here, but some songs were shockingly great. Contrary to what I was expecting, not every song is just a generic club dance song with substanceless lyrics and non-existent production quality. Some songs have some deep lyrics, cool-sounding production, and are actually quite good. But still most of the songs are kinda bad. (Also please keep in mind that I respect Charli as a person, I like her whole message and understand that she does great things... music just isn't always one of those for her, and as a mostly unbiased music reviewer, I separate music from personality.) Umm... let's just get into it.
1. 360
My rating: 1/5 Bad
So, this album has a lot of radio singles, and this seems to be the best-performing one. Unfortunately, it's just not a good song, and I don't know why it's currently top 15 on Hits 1. It's just one of those dumb cliche songs that's just bragging about everything and has nothing else to it. The production is insanely repetitive, and unlike some songs on here, it literally never changes or does anything that sounds remotely interesting. Obviously not a good opener track.
2. Club Classics
My rating: 1/5 Bad
So we have another bad song right at the start. This one is a mess. It's one of the most repetitive songs on the album, and that's saying something. This might just be the most generic club song on here, and half the lyrics are just "When I go to the club, I wanna hear those club classics" and a laundry list of artists and producers of club music she wants to dance to. This song was very close to being red, but at least she kinda sounds like she's singing and not just talking with autotune. She's doing a style of singing more similar to the Boom Clap chorus, which I think sounds better than her usual talking with autotune vocal style. But it's still a really bad song.
3. Sympathy is a Knife
My rating: 4/5 Good
Alright, now we've got one of the good songs on the album. A lyrical theme I was shocked to see appear on a lot of songs on here is displaying her inner vulnerability and insecurities despite seeming like just... well, a "brat". I love how this lyrical theme is explored. This song has some interesting production that actually has a nice melody to it, something Charli has been notoriously bad at in the past. It's not too repetitive and the autotune doesn't get in the way. So this is a pretty good song, and definitely not the only one on the album.
4. I Might Say Something Stupid
My rating: 5/5 Great
...wow. I was not expecting this. It's a heartfelt piano ballad about how she feels like she doesn't belong at parties when she's pressured to change herself. I am not even joking at all. Charli XCX made this. The existence of this song is what made me stop calling her Characterless XCX. She has so much character here. Sure, the autotune is somewhat distracting at times, and I would've liked it even better without it, but it's not like it completely ruins the song or anything. It's obviously still a great song that was definitely a great inclusion to an album like this.
5. Talk Talk
My rating: 5/5 Great
Wow, two great songs in a row. This one is just so relatable for me. It's about a crush on someone and just desperately waiting for them to talk to you, no matter what it is. The lyrics are repetitive but it works here, and it's perfectly written. The production sounds pretty cool here also. Unlike in IMSSS, the autotune is actually less heavy. Shockingly, I think I unironically like this song better than IMSSS. But they're pretty close. Overall this song is just a great addition to the album and I'm glad it's on here. Also, unlike the other great songs on the album, this would actually do quite well on pop radio, so I really wish it was released as a single. But unfortunately, now that Brat summer is over forever, it seems unlikely that we'll get another single.
6. Von Dutch
My rating: 0/5 Terrible
Well, the greatness was short-lived, and now we're in "hardly even a proper song" territory. Now obviously if there's one thing I'm kinda known for as a blogger other than my lack of a decently consistent posting schedule, it's that I'm known for never just throwing around great ratings to any song that's fun or cool or whatever like some people do, but I'm also not exactly known for throwing around terrible ratings to anything boring or annoying or whatever. But this song is just terrible. The production is just a loud overwhelming mess comparable to that of Guess, and the vocals are literally a one-note melody almost entirely throughout. The lyrics are also terrible. "It's obvious, I'm your number one, I'm your number one, I'm your number one..." like we get it, you're number one. This is easily one of the worst "songs" on the album.
7. Everything is Romantic
My rating: 2/5 Mediocre
So, this one starts off alright. It's got an interesting concept to it, the lyrics are pretty good, and the production is a bit empty but still decent-sounding. So, why is it "mediocre"? Well, it's the second longest song on the album... and the outro takes up about a third of that length... and what are the lyrics in said outro? "Fall in love again and again"... 36 times. It's just too excessively repetitious for me to enjoy listening to it. But it's obviously not terrible. There are still plenty of redeeming qualities to it, but the length of the outro is what really takes me out of it as it feels like a complete waste of a relatively "long" song.
8. Rewind
My rating: 4/5 Good
This one's actually one of the better songs on here. I love the concept here, about wondering if she deserves her success and wishing she could go back to a simpler time in her life. The lyricism here is great. But production-wise, it feels kind of generic and forgettable. It definitely could have been better, but it's still a pretty good song. Not much to say here, just a pretty good song.
9. So I
My rating: 5/5 Great
Wow. This was unexpected. This one's really great. So, another thing I'm kinda known for as a blogger is that I love sad songs. This is easily the saddest song on the album. It's about a long-time collaborator Sophie who has worked with Charli on her music, who recently died. This song reflects on their relationship and her own wishes and regrets. Lyrically, this might be the album's strongest song. Obviously the main thing that makes me love this song is the lyrics, but the production also sounds wonderful. I was definitely not expecting a song as deeply meaningful as this. And THIS is the same album as Von Dutch?
10. Girl So Confusing
My rating: 3/5 Decent
This one's okay. I like the message here, but the lyrics are kind of repetitive and the verses aren't super well-written. Simple lyricism can work sometimes, but this song is just not doing much for me. The production is really bizarre also. The vocal effects are somewhat distracting. But obviously it's not a bad song, it's just mid. Could be better, could be worse. Not much to say for this one.
11. Apple
My rating: 4/5 Good
So, this is definitely my favorite of the radio singles off the album. It's not my favorite song on the album, but I love that this one is getting radio attention. Apparently this song is written about her relationship with her family. The lyrics are actually very clever, using the "apple" as a metaphor for the relationship and using phrases related to apples, such as "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", "The apple could turn yellow or green", "I wanna grow the apple, keep all the seeds", among others. This song is actually very closely bordering on a "great" rating, but the only thing that keeps it from being better is the random mention of an "airport". I think it's kind of awkward and doesn't fit into the flow of the song, even though some people think it's clever wordplay. Overall, it's still a pretty good song.
12. B2B
My rating: 0/5 Terrible
Welp, this is the first bad song in a while on this album. My complaint about this one is literally the same as almost every other song on this album: it's just too repetitive. This might just be the most repetitive song on the whole album. And no, I don't mean that like there's a chorus that repeats a lot but it still has unique lyrics and somewhat of a proper structure. No, I'm serious, at least three fourths of the lyrics are "I don't wanna fall right back to us, maybe you should run right back to her" or "back, back, back, back, back". And there's really only one proper verse of unique lyrics thrown in the middle. And... that's it. So obviously this is one of the weakest songs on here.
13. Mean Girls
My rating: 1/5 Bad
Yeah, I'm not loving this one. The lyrics here are just not great. It's all about a stereotypical "mean girl", but I don't quite understand the whole message here. It's insanely repetitive, and the chorus rhymes heart with apart which I've said many times is a really dumb cliche. The production is also quite repetitive and doesn't do anything interesting. So, maybe not the worst song on the album but definitely not a very good song. Not much else to say for this one.
14. I Think About It All the Time
My rating: 3/5 Decent
Contrary to the title, this is not a song I think about all the time. It's very forgettable and kind of boring, and not the kind of thing I'll feel like listening to a lot. The lyrics are okay I guess? But not enough to make it any better. I literally don't have that much to say for this one, it's just kind of there. I'm indifferent on this one right now, but it might grow on me at some point. Alright, almost done.
15. 365
My rating: 0/5 Terrible
And the closing track is... possibly the worst song on the album. It's just a complete rehash of 360. The production is literally the same as 360 but in a different key and sped up, and the lyrics don't feel like they do anything different form 360. Now, albums with multiple songs based on each other aren't necessarily bad. Sometimes it can be quite good. Beyonce's Cowboy Carter is a great example of an album that does that kind of thing well. But here, it's just not good, because it doesn't feel like it brings enough new meaning to the track. And sure, some parts of the production here are different, but in most cases it's just worse than 360. So, this was definitely a weak closing track. But whatever, the album's over now...
Conclusion
Overall album rating: 49% (Mediocre Album)
So, it's certainly not a great album, but it's not completely terrible like I thought it'd be. It all just averages out to a medium score, with songs ranging from horrible to fantastic. I don't feel like reviewing all the bonus tracks like I did for Midnights, but if I did, Guess would definitely be the worst song on the album BY FAR. Not gonna lie, that song actually kinda makes me nauseous with the whole "underwear" concept, and it's such a horrible disappointment that Billie Eilish, aka one of my top 5 favorite music artists of all time, has been featured on one of the worst songs of the year two years in a row. But whatever, the main album is just kinda mid. I don't think it deserves all the recognition and critical acclaim it gets, but it's far from the worst album of the year. (I don't plan on making a full-length review on it, but without even listening to the whole thing, I think the worst album of this year is Megan Thee Stallion's new album. Any album with a song where half the lines are "I get money I'm a star star star star star star star" is automatically terrible. But that's besides the point.)
Favorite songs: I Might Say Something Stupid, Talk Talk, So I
Least favorite songs: Von Dutch, B2B, 365
That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeee!
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