My most tortured album review yet...

Hi! So, I'm not a massive Swiftie. In fact, I never thought I truly liked Taylor Swift's music until about a year ago. But from the very first announcement, I was highly intrigued by The Tortured Poets Department. I listened to it basically the minute it first released, and let me tell you, I was surprised. For one, I was just expecting a simple 16-track album, I was not expecting we'd get 15 more bonus tracks! (And by the way, I will be reviewing every single one of them). So this is going to be my biggest album review yet. For two, I was not necessarily expecting it to be so synth-poppy and almost R&B. I'm not disappointed because it's still really well done, but that's not exactly the genre I expected. For three, it seems like a lot of these songs are about Matty Healy when everyone seemed to be predicting this would be about Joe Alwyn. Anyway, we have a lot of songs to talk about so let's start reviewing!

The Tortured Poets Department

1. Fortnight (featuring Post Malone)

My rating: 4/5 Good

Alright, the album's opening track (and the first single) was a bit underwhelming. It's not bad at all though. The biggest redeeming quality are the lyrics, I like how this is the song that uses the "I love you, it's ruining my life" line. Taylor & Post sound great together although Post doesn't contribute much. The main issue that brings it down is the production because it's kind of boring and doesn't do really do anything. But it's still a solid song. Most of these reviews will be relatively short because I'm reviewing 31 songs. (I still can't believe it)

2. The Tortured Poets Department

My rating: 5/5 Great

This one was a fantastic surprise. Let me just say, I didn't expect this to be a breakup song. I didn't expect this to say the title in the lyrics either, let alone in the context it's used in. "You left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department". So apparently Matty Healy really likes typewriters, and that's why we got all those lyric teases written on typewriters. The production here is a lot better than in Fortnight. It actually kind of reminds me of IION but a bit slower. Great song.

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

My rating: 5/5 Great

This sounds so Reputation. (In a good way, not in a LWYMMD way) I thought the production sounded really cool and works well with this kind of angry breakup song. The lyrics are confusing, but I love them. "My boy only breaks his favorite toys, I'm the queen of sand castles he destroys". I mean, that's great songwriting. I'm assuming that means Taylor is his "favorite toy", and their relationship is the "sand castle". Really cool song.

4. Down Bad

My rating: 5/5 Great

So, I was actually expecting "down bad" to just be referring to the dictionary definition, which according to Merriam-Webster, means "feeling or marked by strong and usually unrequited feelings of attraction, desire, or infatuation”, and while it kind of means that, she plays with the phrase a bit: essentially, she was "down bad" so hard that when it didn't work, she felt "down, bad". With masterful lyrics like "I might just not get up, I might stay down bad" and "everything comes out teenage petulance", this is a really well-made song and I love it.

5. So Long, London

My rating: 5/5 Great

So, for this one, it's track five, which is usually one of the biggest emotional hard-hitters on the album. For some reason, there were rumors that this one would be 10 minutes long or something (which would be really exciting considering the 10-minute version of All Too Well is my favorite and possibly her objective best song), but I guess not. But despite its unexpectedly short length, it's still one of the best songs on the album. The production is still synth-pop, and it takes a while but it evolves as it goes along. So, not another long masterpiece but still a super cool song.

6. But Daddy I Love Him

My rating: 5/5 Great

Now this one, on the other hand, was shockingly long. I was expecting a shorter, more playful and poppy song. But instead, this is the longest track on the album, at almost six minutes. When the length was revealed, I thought it would be a ballad, but it's actually got more of a Red/1989 sound to it. The lyrics are a classic "why does my dad keep me from him" love story, but with a twist: "even my daddy just loves him". It's got quite a few lines about weddings which immediately reminded me of Speak Now. Well, this is not exactly what I expected, but it's one of my favorites on the album.

7. Fresh Out the Slammer

My rating: 5/5 Great

This was one of the songs that I was extremely excited for, because there were a lot of theories surrounding the title. People disagreed over whether it was Taylor coming out of the slammer, or her boyfriend, or someone else. Turns out, it is Taylor, and the "slammer" actually refers to her relationships, now knowing the first one she wanted to rebound with was Matty Healy (probably). Production-wise it's super unique. It actually has a bit of a western sound to it in some parts. This is another one of my favorites.

8. Florida!!! (featuring Florence & the Machine)

My rating: 5/5 Great

Wow, three exclamation points? I was not sure what to expect when I heard this title. I was definitely expecting this would be a really upbeat song, which it kinda is, but it actually starts off in a slower R&B-type sound, and the chorus is the loud and banging part. Lyrically, this song seems to be an extension on one of the lines from Fortnight about moving to Florida to escape from issues. Alright, cool song.

9. Guilty as Sin?

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is another song I was really intrigued by just from the title, considering the term "guilty as sin" usually means unquestionably guilty... yet there's a question mark? I was wondering how in the universe that would work, but it turns out it's just a shortened part of a question: "Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?" The lyrics really shine here, containing the early teased lyric "Am I allowed to cry?" Also, the lyrics make a clever reference to the song title "Mine", which is a song by Taylor Swift and also the title of a 1975 song, which Matty Healy is the lead singer of. So, it seems like this is another song about Matty, and a great one at that.

10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

My rating: 3/5 Decent

Now here's one that I was excited for mostly when the length was revealed. From the title, I thought this would be this album's Antihero but a longer and more emotional version. But of course, it's a song about Olivia Rodrigo. I mean, I'm not surprised she has a song about Olivia on here. I might just be biased because Taylor Swift is targeting one of my top three favorite artists of all time, but I also still think this song is too repetitive for how long it is. This song also contains the weakest of the lyrics teased on the album cover, "You don't get to tell me about sad", which is a good line, but the songwriting doesn't compare to some of the others on the album. It's not a terrible song, but did not live up to my expectations. Next.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

My rating: 5/5 Great

So, this is a song about Matty Healy, and is about how he is a messed-up man but she can handle dating him. The chorus is "I can fix him, no really I can, and only I can", which shows that Taylor is really confident that she is able to date a "dangerous man" even if nobody else can, until the final line of the song when she concludes, "whoa, maybe I can't", abruptly shifting this from a love song to a breakup song. I also think the production here is really unique and not what I expected from a Taylor song. It's quite short, but still great.

12. loml

My rating: 5/5 Great

I was really excited for this one because I was really curious how she would play on the acronym "loml". Turns out, she uses it in two ways. She uses it first to mean "love of my life", in that her ex said she was the "love of [his] life", which she says loses its meaning after he says it so many times. And by the outro, she changes the acronym to "loss of my life". And let's talk about the production. I wasn't necessarily expecting a ballad, but it sounds really good. It reminds me of Folklore in a way. So this is shockingly one of my favorites on the album.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

My rating: 5/5 Great

When I first heard the title, I was expecting one thing: an upbeat pop song about how she can still have fun and shine on the Eras Tour even while dealing with the challenge of her breakup with Joe Alwyn. And that's just what we got, but it's better than I expected. It's got a perfect evolution so it's not completely boring like NTWDT or Lavender Haze. For some reason I have a feeling this'll go on to be one of the big radio hits on the album, and I'm not surprised it's track 13.

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

My rating: 6/5 Absolutely Fantastic and Amazing and Maybe the Best Song of the Year

W O W. We're breaking out the 6 tier here. I thought that was only legal on Guts. This is one of the best songs of Taylor's career. Not quite as good as All Too Well (10 Minute Version), but it's up there. It seems like this "smallest man" refers to Matty Healy, and the titular phrase unexpectedly seems to directly refer to his literal size rather than a metaphor. In fact, she actually calls out his manhood in this song, which doesn't happen too often. Musically, it seems to be split into two parts. The first two verses and choruses are more of a melancholic piano ballad, and then it has a really long orchestral outro section at the end where Taylor mentions being paranoid about what her ex is doing to her. So, yeah, this is a crazy amazing song that'll probably end up being my favorite song of the year. I really hope this becomes somewhat of a hit.

15. The Alchemy

My rating: 4/5 Good

Alright, looks like we got a love song about Travis Kelce on here. I can't say I'm surprised about that. However, I'm surprised at many of the lyrics. When I heard the title "The Alchemy", I immediately expected some deep lyrics about trying to make gold out of their relationship or whatever. But instead, the lyrics here are ridden with football metaphors, like "touchdown", "where's the trophy", "greatest in the league", etc. Now, obviously Travis Kelce is a football player so of course there's football references, but why in a song called "The Alchemy"? Why isn't this song called "Touchdown" or something more fitting for the football theme? Unless alchemy is some kind of football term I'm missing out on, I will never understand that title choice.

16. Clara Bow

My rating: 5/5 Great

So this is technically the final track on the main album, but we're reviewing all fifteen "anthology" bonus tracks too. The opening line "You look like Clara Bow" caught me off-guard. If you don't know, Clara was an actress in the 1920's who coined the term "it girl". Additionally, she suffered from mental health issues due to the stress of her fame. And that brings me to my theory about this song's meaning - Taylor says her own name in a song for the first time. "You look like Taylor Swift". That makes me think this song is actually a song about Taylor herself, told from the third person, possibly about how Taylor is under a lot of pressure being one of the most famous people in the world. This is an intriguing concept for a song and certainly not what I expected.

The Anthology

17. Black Dog

My rating: 5/5 Great

Alright, so we're starting off the Anthology tracks with a great one. So, the title is a reference to an actual bar called The Black Dog, but it could also mean that Taylor is being "hunted" by love. The lyrics here are really good, I love how the chorus makes reference the band "The Starting Line", and apparently Matty Healy did a cover of one of their songs. So this song might be another one about Matty Healy. I really love the production here too, it's another one that starts as a slow ballad but evolves as it goes along. Fantastic opener for The Anthology.

18. Imgonnagetyouback

My rating: 2/5 Mediocre

Alright, time for the worst song on the album by far. Looks like now Taylor's the one copying Olivia Rodrigo? She really did get her back there. However, this song is essentially the same concept as Get Him Back, using the term as a double-entendre: wanting to either get back together with her ex, or get revenge on her ex. I can just imagine Taylor acting as if this is some genius concept, when there's a far better song by her former-fan-turned-enemy that used this concept before her. If this doesn't just elevate the Taylor-Olivia feud even more, I don't know what will. Not to mention the synth production here is insanely boring and repetitive and literally never goes anywhere. I'd take the Olivia song over this any day. However, there's one thing that saves it from being worse: when I heard the title, I was definitely expecting this to be another song about Olivia, but luckily it's about an ex and not directly targeted at Olivia. So, while there could possibly be some subtle or even unintentional Olivia disses here, it's not completely slandering her. Still the worst song on the album by far though.

19. The Albatross

My rating: 5/5 Great

Alright, now that we're past that mess, now we have more great songs. Musically this reminds me of Willow, in the best possible way. And lyrically, it's quite interesting. So, an albatross is a bird that is said to bring shame and bad luck, so she warns her ex about a woman who is "here to destroy (him)". Later on, she changes the line to "I'm the albatross", to show that she believes that she herself might bring out bad luck and shame in people. The lyrics are quite complex, and that's done really well here. Great song.

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is another ballad, but luckily, like usual, it builds as it moves along. It has a bit of a Folklore-type sound to it, which I love because Folklore is one of my favorite Taylor albums. Lyrically, it's a song about her ex cheating on her. The inclusion titular list of names may mean that Taylor is aware that her ex is a frequent cheater, and is unsure which person it is, or even whether he is cheating on her with a woman or a man. Not much to say here other than it's another great ballad.

21. How Did It End?

My rating: 4/5 Good

Once again, this is a ballad. However, this one doesn't evolve quite as much and is a lot more boring than the previous track. The lyrics are alright but nothing too special, other than they contain quite a few of the lyrics that were teased before hand. I don't love this one quite as much but it's still decent. Really not much interesting to note about this one.

22. So High School

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is another Travis Kelce love song. However, this time it's got a creative title that isn't completely irrelevant to the theme of the song. At first I didn't entirely understand what it meant but knew it was kinda funny. According to Genius it could mean that she dreamed of dating the guy on the football team in high school, and now that dream came true. This is a really fun love song and it was a lot better than I expected.

23. I Hate It Here

My rating: 5/5 Great

Some say this sounds like her older songs, but I don't really hear that. But what I do hear is that it's a great song. It's just another ballad with great evolution, fantastic storytelling lyrics, and shining vocal performance. I'm kind of running out of ideas for unique things to say here, so moving on.

24. thanK you aIMee

My rating: 5/5 Great

So, normally I don't care about using the "official capitalization" for the song titles on my blog. But in this case, the capitalization is important, as it actually hides an Easter egg: the capitalized letters are K, I, M. That's because this song seems to be about Kim Kardashian. I'm not sure if there's also a real person named "Aimee" or if that name was just chosen so there would be an IM. This is an interesting one. Once again, it's got great lyrics, the production is on-point, and this is also one of the best ones vocally. Overall, it's just another great song.

25. I Look in People's Windows

My rating: 4/5 Good

So, this is another one that's just good. It's still alright though. Once again, it's got well written lyrics, but they feel a bit more generic compared to some of the other songs on here. The melody in the chorus is quite similar to Death by a Thousand Cuts, one of Taylor's previous songs, and DBATC also contains a similar lyric about looking in windows. The production's decent but a bit boring. Just another good song but definitely not one I'll be revisiting much.

26. The Prophecy

My rating: 4/5 Good

Goodness, two songs in a row at a less-than-great rating. Of course, this is still alright. But it's just kind of boring again. It's a song about the longing for change, but not only has Taylor talked about that before, but for a song about wanting things to change, the production here doesn't seem to change much throughout. It's just kind of an underwhelming song, but far from bad.

27. Cassandra

My rating: 5/5 Great

Whew, only five songs left! Next up, we have two more songs that are titled after people's names. And this one is actually quite great. This one's got really deep lyrics about the challenges of being disbelieved when speaking out against injustice (some lyrics might also be about Kim Kardashian). I love how this is compared to the story of Cassandra of Troy. Production-wise, it's also fantastic. It kinda reminds me of Cardigan. Really unexpectedly great song.

28. Peter

My rating: 4/5 Good

So, surprisingly, it seems like the Peter she's referencing is actually Peter Pan. I quite like the lyrics here, which could again be about Matty. The only reason this is rated a 4 instead of a 5 is just because it's almost five minutes long and doesn't really go anywhere, and I honestly think a song like this would work much better as a shorter song.

29. The Bolter

My rating: 5/5 Great

Alright, just three to go! So, this one is another one told in the third person, and the "bolter" seems to be referencing someone running away from... something... actually I honestly don't quite understand this one. I guess it's about a sense of fun and freedom in a relationship? But nonetheless, it's still great. I especially like the production here, because it's another one that starts slow and evolves. Strange song but great.

30. Robin

My rating: 5/5 Great

So when I saw the title, I thought this would be another song about a bird. But apparently, it refers to a person named Robin, specifically collaborator Aaron Dessner's child. It's a song about childhood and the lyrics are considered nostalgic and whimsical. Some might say it's lyrically somewhat similar to It's Nice to Have a Friend in a way. But musically, it's very different. It's another ballad, and yet again, it's got the evolution that makes it really amazing. We're almost to the end now!

31. The Manuscript

My rating: 5/5 Great

Wow, making a thorough song-by-song review of a 31-song album packed with secrets, deep meanings, and plenty of stuff to dissect was even harder than I expected. But we're finally to the last song of the album. And... w o w. This is another one of my favorites. The lyrics are so poetic and reflective on basically her entire musical career. Also told from the third-person, it tells the story of past relationships and the "manuscripts" being songs, and now that the world has heard her songs, she states "the story isn't [hers] anymore". While it's not my favorite song on the whole album, it's definitely up there. Now, I'm not trying to suggest this, but this could very well fit as the final song of Taylor's career. It just seems so massively reflective on her entire journey that I can't imagine what'll be next for her.

Conclusion

The Tortured Poets Department rating: 96% (Great Album)

The Anthology rating: 91% (Great Album)

Overall album rating: 94% (Great Album)

So, overall it was a mostly great album. There were just a few songs that were a bit on the boring side, and only one song that I truly didn't like, but otherwise it met most of my expectations, and a few songs exceeded my expectations (especially TSMWEL). However, I wasn't fully expecting the anthology to get a 5% lower score than the main album. Well, I hope you enjoyed my review, because this was so hard to make...

Favorite song: The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Least favorite song: Imgonnagetyouback

That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeeeee!

A moderately normal week - Hits 1 Weekend Countdown 4/12/24

Hi! Sorry I'm late again. I promise, my best and worst list of the year is coming in the next few days, as is my review of TTPD when it comes out. After the last few weeks have been... something else, this week was moderately normal. Except Hitbound. That's still... something else. Well, let's get into it!

Exits:

Tate McRae - Exes (20 weeks: Peak #3)

Taylor Swift - Is It Over Now (23 weeks: Peak #3)

Teddy Swims - Lose Control (30 weeks: Peak #2)

Countdown:

#30: Glass Animals - Creatures in Heaven (Debut) (1 week: Peak #30)

#29: Beyonce - II Most Wanted (Debut) (1 week: Peak #29)

#28: Imagine Dragons - Eyes Closed (Debut) (1 week: Peak #28)

#27: Madison Beer - Make You Mine (-4) (6 weeks: Peak #22)

#26: Benson Boone - Slow It Down (+4) (2 weeks: Peak #26)

#25: Meghan Trainor & T-Pain - Been Like This (+2) (4 weeks: Peak #25)

#24: Hozier - Too Sweet (+4) (2 weeks: Peak #24)

#23: Olivia Rodrigo - So American (+6) (2 weeks: Peak #23)

#22: Usher - Kissing Strangers (+3) (6 weeks: Peak #22)

#21: Twenty One Pilots - Overcompensate (+1) (5 weeks: Peak #21)

#20: Dasha - Austin (+2) (3 weeks: Peak #20)

#19: Luke Hemmings - Shakes (+5) (4 weeks: Peak #19)

#18: Girl in Red - Too Much (=) (6 weeks: Peak #18)

#17: Beyonce - Texas Hold Em (-4) (6 weeks: Peak #10)

#16: Olivia Rodrigo - Obsessed (+5) (3 weeks: Peak #16)

Countdown Extra: Ava Max - My Oh My

#15: Djo - End of Beginning (+5) (5 weeks: Peak #15)

#14: Sza - Saturn (+3) (6 weeks: Peak #14)

#13: Knox - Me Myself & Your Eyes (+3) (7 weeks: Peak #13)

#12: Selena Gomez - Love On (+3) (7 weeks: Peak #12)

#11: Shinedown - A Symptom of Being Human (+3) (3 weeks: Peak #11)

#10: Dua Lipa - Houdini (-7) (22 weeks: Peak #1 for 8 wk)

#9: Noah Kahan - Stick Season (-3) (18 weeks: Peak #6)

#8: Justin Timberlake - Selfish (=) (11 weeks: Peak #8)

#7: Renee Rapp - Not My Fault (+2) (16 weeks: Peak #6)

#6: Henry Moodie - Pick Up the Phone (+4) (14 weeks: Peak #6)

#5: Ariana Grande - We Can't Be Friends (+6) (5 weeks: Peak #5)

#4: Knox - Not the 1975 (-2) (21 weeks: Peak #2)

#3: Dua Lipa - Training Season (+4) (8 weeks: Peak #4)

#2: Benson Boone - Beautiful Things (+2) (11 weeks: Peak #2)

#1: Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (=) (19 weeks: Peak #1 for 3 wk)

Debuts:

Glass Animals are back with Creatures in Heaven. This is okay but could have been a lot better. The production is kind of boring and forgettable. Well, at least it's better than Heat Waves. Hopefully this song doesn't get way overplayed for the next two years like Heat Waves did.

Imagine Dragons also return to the countdown with their new song Eyes Closed. This is a typical ID song. It's really overproduced and weird-sounding but I guess it grew on me a bit since last week.

Now the best for last. I never actually expected this to debut, but Beyonce & Miley's collab II Most Wanted enters the countdown this week. This grew on me a lot since two weeks ago. It's one of my top five favorites on Cowboy Carter. It's got great lyrics, perfectly evolving production, and fantastic vocal chemistry between Beyonce & Miley. I still wish Hits 1 would pick up on Beyonce's cover of Jolene though.

Biggest Jump: Ariana Grande - We Can't Be Friends (+6)

Biggest Drop: Dua Lipa - Houdini (-7)

My recommendations for Hits 1: Laufey - Goddess, Beyonce - Jolene, Beyonce - Blackbiird, and Iron & Wine and Fiona Apple - All in Good Time

Hitbound:

Michael Marcagi - Scared to Start (2 weeks)

Dua Lipa - Illusion (Debut)

D4VD - Feel It (Debut)

OneRepublic - Nobody (Debut)

Benson Boone - Cry (2 weeks)

Mimi Webb - Mistake (Debut)

Girl in Red & Sabrina Carpenter - You Need Me Now (2 weeks)

People R Ugly - Dumb (Debut)

Doja Cat & Teezo Touchdown - MASC (2 weeks)

Artemas - I Like the Way You Kiss Me (Debut)

Sabrina Carpenter - Espresso (Debut)

Mark Ambor - Belong Together (Debut)

Vaultboy - You're My Moon (Debut)

David Guetta & OneRepublic - I Don't Wanna Wait (2 weeks)

Chappell Roan - Good Luck Babe! (Debut)

Ava Max - My Oh My (2 weeks)

Wow, there's seriously so many new songs right now that we had two 10-debut weeks in a row, yet somehow Hits 1 still refuses to pick up on one of my favorite songs of the year, Goddess by Laufey.

Dua Lipa is here with another magical banger, Illusion. This is just another fantastic dance song from Dua, I can't wait to hear how Radical Optimism turns out. I've noticed that I have very specific preferences when it comes to upbeat dance music. I don't want to talk for too long about it because we have so many debuts this week, but I've gone into detail about the factors of a good upbeat song in my review of Ariana's new album.

Hits 1 missed out on a great new D4VD song a few weeks ago called My House Is Not a Home. Instead they decided to pick up on his less great song, Feel It. This is okay but very forgettable and the production doesn't really evolve much.

Wow, two OneRepublic songs in the same Hitbound? That doesn't happen often. But they're back with Nobody. This is just a slightly better version of I Ain't Worried. It's pretty forgettable and the production isn't near as good as the fantastic I Don't Wanna Wait. Moving on.

Alright, now we have Mimi Webb returning with another wonderful song, Mistake. The production has really cool evolution, the lyrics are pretty good, and Mimi sounds great as always. 

People R Ugly earn themselves a second Hits 1 song this year with Dumb. This is better than Brain Dead. I like the jazzy production, everyone sounds great, and as Hippo said, the lyrics are "infinitely relatable". Fantastic song from them.

Artemas makes their Hits 1 debut with I Like The Way You Kiss Me. This isn't bad, but it could have been a lot better. I like this guy's voice, they sound like Alec Benjamin. But otherwise, it's a really forgettable song and I still don't remember what it sounds like.

We have another artist bringing a second song to Hitbound this week, Sabrina Carpenter with a song that's most likely gonna debut the countdown in two days, Espresso. This is okay but not as good as Feather, and definitely not as good as Nonsense. Sabrina sounds good and the lyrics are okay but the production just isn't as interesting as her two previous singles.

Mark Ambor is here with Belong Together. This is a fun little love song but the lyrics are pretty basic and it's also quite forgettable. I feel like I'm saying the same things about every song this week.

Now the two best debuts of the week for last. After Kaleidoscope dropped out of Hitbound last year, Chappell Roan returns with a much better song with a moderately strange title, Good Luck, Babe! This is super fun and catchy and Chappell sounds great.

Finally, my favorite debut this week. Vaultboy returns after one of the funniest songs of the past three years, Everything Sucks, now making an unexpected return with the less funny but still great song You're My Moon. The production here is slow but it evolves, the lyrics are amazing and Vaultboy sounds great. Fantastic song. (Also by the way I was the first person to chart this song on Crownnote)

Also, every song from this week's Hitbound is either one of this week's debuts or one of last week's debuts. All the rest dropped out.

Dropouts:

The Beaches - Blame Brett (8 weeks)

Teddy Swims - The Door (11 weeks)

Paul Russell - Eat Pray Love (1 week)

Haiden Henderson - Hell of a Good Time (4 weeks)

Tori Kelly - Thing U Do (1 week)

Porter Robinson - Cheerleader (3 weeks)

Nicky Youre - Part Time Lover (4 weeks)

Jagwar Twin - Bad Feeling (Oompa Loompa) (15 weeks)

Good riddance to Thing U Do, it's one of Tori Kelly's worst songs by far. Blame Brett was super forgettable, now it's apparently in the abyss. The Door lasted way longer than I expected, but it was alright and much better than Lose Control, and that's also in the abyss. Eat Pray Love deserved better, hopefully it pulls a Say Cheese. I don't know why Hits 1 even picked up on HOAGT in the first place. Cheerleader really should have been a hit. Part Time Lover faded on me so I don't mind it leaving. And Bad Feeling was great but maybe shouldn't have stayed longer in Hitbound than Vampire lasted on the countdown. (And I was not expecting every Hits 1 blogger to mention that I said that last week)

II Most Blurbed:

We lost Exes, Is It Over Now & Lose Control. Exes didn't deserve to exit from the top 5 this quickly. While I still think IION deserved to hit #1, it moderately faded on me, and just from the titles I have a feeling TTPD will be fantastic (I still plan on doing an album review for TTPD). And I was about to lose control if I heard Lose Control again, so that will not be missed.

Make You Mine fell back to the bottom 5 again. Honestly, this is fading on me a bit but it's still great.

Noooooooo not Texas Hold Em falling out of the top 15!!! Please jump 15 spots to #2 next week.

Good to see Shakes and End of Beginning finally doing something.

Can Saturn and ASOBH please enter the top 10 next week?

Looks like Houdini is on its way out. I'm alright with that, it's fading on me a lot.

Yessssss We Can't Be Friends is already in the top 5! Let's see this hit #1 next week.

That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeee!

It took a while for the sun to finally come out... a review of Eternal Sunshine

Hey again! So, I just listened to Eternal Sunshine. Now, if you've seen my countdown reviews, you'll know that I generally like Ariana, but Yes, And was an underwhelming comeback single for her, so I was worried Eternal Sunshine would be a mediocre album. But oh boy, was I wrong. This album is filled with some of my favorite Ariana songs yet, which is saying a lot. So, let's get into it!

1. End of the World

My rating: 5/5 Great

So, this is a really short song, at under two minutes. But that doesn't affect how great this song is. If you've read any of my blogs, you know I really love songs that "sound like space", and this song is a perfect example. This album is filled with songs like that. The production here is absolutely phenomenal and definitely fits what the song is going for. I also love the lyrics, as they are a strong opening for the album. The lyrics kind of remind me of "If the World Was Ending" by Julia Michaels & JP Saxe, one of my favorite songs of 2020, as they are about asking if someone would still love her if it was the end of the world.

2. Bye

My rating: 5/5 Great

Wow, with a title like "Bye" I wasn't necessarily expecting a song so great. But this song is actually fantastic. If you've read any of my blogs, you know that I typically prefer slower ballads as opposed to upbeat songs, and that I have very specific preferences when it comes to upbeat songs: the production should be fun but not loud or overproduced, it should be relatively minimalistic and easy to listen to without feeling empty or bland, it should have a good instrumentation that fits the song and has highs and lows and interesting progression, it should have a unique melody that's catchy and memorable but not overly simple, and it should have creative and well-delivered lyrics by a powerful singer. And bonus points if it's in a key I like. This song has all those qualities, which makes it one of my favorites on the album.

3. Don't Wanna Break Up Again

My rating: 4/5 Good

From the intro, I thought this would sound like a carbon copy of I Like You by Post Malone & Doja Cat, one of the most annoying songs of 2022. But I was surprised when it started picking up a bit. The production here is super cool, Ariana's vocals are quiet but on-point, and again it's in a good key. And that bridge - wow. The bridge is easily my favorite part of this song and one of the best parts of this album. However, I rated this song as a whole a bit lower just for a few reasons. Although I still like the lyrics here, it's lyrically weaker than some of the other songs on here. Additionally, it could have benefited from a bit more evolution. So, good song, but definitely not one of my favorites.

4. Saturn Returns

My rating: X/5 Does Not Affect Score

I counted End of the World towards the album score even though it's technically just an intro song and not a proper full-length song. The only reason this interlude doesn't count is because not only is it only 43 seconds long, but Ariana herself does not sing here. It's mostly just astrologist Diana Garland talking, sent to a space-sounding backing track. A bit of a weird addition to the album, but I'll take it.

5. Eternal Sunshine

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is a bit of a weird one, but I love it. The intro seems to be a direct transition from the ending of Saturn Returns, which is pretty cool and kind of unexpected. The verses sound like a carbon copy of Renee Rapp's Bruises and the chorus sounds like Sabrina Carpenter's Nonsense. But those are two of my favorite songs of 2023, so that doesn't make me like this song less. They just have some slight melodic similarities, but the production here is fairly different. It's in A Major, aka my favorite key. I love the evolution here, it's done in a really cool way. It kind of reminds me of Thank U Next-era Ariana, but a bit more atmospheric. And the lyrics are also quite interesting. It tells a story of moving on from a past relationship, but learning from the experience and treasuring the memories, as a reference to the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" which the song and album title originates from. So yeah, cool song.

6. Supernatural

My rating: 5/5 Great

Wow, this album has been mostly great so far. I love this one a lot. This is a love song, and it's really cool. I love all the "supernatural" metaphors she uses here (and throughout this whole album) to describe a relationship. In this song she compares love to a supernatural force that's possessing her, and needs her lover "like the moon needs the stars". And like many songs on the album, the lyrics aren't the only amazing thing about it - there's also the production. Wow. It evolves beautifully, and once again, I especially love the bridge, because it gets all quiet for a second and then starts building up again until the explosion in the last chorus. Ariana's vocals shine here, and the last chorus has some huge notes that really show off not only her range, but the emotional power in her vocal delivery. So, this is a phenomenal song. I'd go so far as to say this song is supernaturally amazing.

7. True Story

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is one of my top three favorites on the album. The production is basically all the good qualities I've been talking about this whole time and more. The vocals are basically everything Ariana is known for and more. Now let's talk about those lyrics. This is possibly the best song on the album in terms of lyricism, as it's very ironic and complicated. It's a true story, about untrue stories. It touches on rumors & untrue gossip about Ariana and saying that she'll "play whatever part you need me to, and be good in it too". It's an interesting concept and it's executed so well here. I love it a lot, and that's a true story.

8. The Boy is Mine

My rating: 4/5 Good

This is another slightly lower rated song for me, but it's not bad at all. It has good lyrics, and it's another love song but it's not as good as Supernatural or any of the other love songs on the album. It still has cool-sounding production, but again it could have evolved a lot more. Not much to say here, moving on I guess...

9. Yes, And

My rating: 1/5 Bad

Oh no, now it's time to talk about this one. So, this was the lead single from this album, and it was unimpressive to say the least. The production is really messy-sounding. There have been plenty of songs that make the disco sound work, but this one just sounds awkward. And those lyrics - now when I heard that title "Yes, And", I was expecting some kind of heartfelt POV-style ballad about waiting for something more to happen or something like that, but instead we got, "Yes, and, say that shit with your chest, and be your own fucking best friend, and say that shit with your chest." I mean, what is that even supposed to mean? It's all really repetitive and overused and honestly kind of a pointless waste of a song. I know everyone's gonna be saying, "But the lyrics are so empowering and uplifting and have such a positive message!" Yeah, as if that's some kind of genius concept Ariana just invented this year and has never been done better ever before. There's plenty of empowering, uplifting songs with the same positive messages that I'd much rather listen to. And last time I checked, the best positive songs don't completely waste 46 words or make reference to not caring "whose **** I ride". Yes, Ariana censored her own line there. That line caused a lot of controversy due to Ariana's accusations of cheating, and that's not even the only reason why I don't like it. There's just so many problems with these lyrics. Now, I know we're reviewing the original and not the remix, but the Mariah Carey remix of this song is somehow even worse. The mixing is amateurish and their voices do not blend well at all due to that. Also, the only thing I really like about "Yes, And" is the long dramatic silence in the bridge before saying "why?", and the remix completely ruins it because Mariah literally just came in with so-called "ad libs" that are just the previous line repeated, but she does it literally whenever she wants, and it just sounds random and incohesive. So yeah, clearly one of the worst songs of the year. However, luckily the second single from Eternal Sunshine perfectly made up for this. Maybe the same situation will happen with Camila Cabello.

10. We Can't Be Friends

My rating: 5/5 Great

Alright, now this one right here is another one of my top three favorites on the whole album. If you've seen my Hits 1 countdown reviews, you'll know why I love this one. It's mostly because of the evolution, and the outro. Not much to say here, if you want a more in-depth review I suggest you check out my review of the countdown from March 23.

11. I Wish I Hated You

My rating: 5/5 Great

This song is not what I expected from the title, specifically the production. Like many songs on here, this has a dreamy sound to it, which is super cool. I love how the lyrics are about the complexities of a relationship, which is a cool theme although Ariana has done it before. Pretty short review, still a great song but not one I'll be revisiting much.

12. Imperfect For You

My rating: 5/5 Great

This is easily my favorite song on the album. This just reminds me of the kind of song I might write. It's got an emotionally powerful message done in an ironic way: she says she's "imperfect" for her boyfriend, which is clearly a play on "I'm perfect for you", emphasized by way she pauses between each syllable. Also, in that part of the song, the production starts to get dissonant and unexpected, which perfectly fits the theme because it's "imperfect". I also love the verses, as they tell a story of her love for her boyfriend and contain some references to the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". Overall, just a fantastic song and I wish it was a single.

13. Ordinary Things, ft. Marjorie Grande

My rating: 4/5 Good

I really wanted to love this one, but this turned out to be one of the weaker ones on the album. The production is mostly what slightly holds it back  because it is moderately messy-sounding, but it's still pretty cool either way. I like what the lyrics are going for here, but it's not quite as lyrically interesting as some of the other songs on here. It's mostly just listing the things that she and her partner can do together and saying that nothing they do together will every be "ordinary". However, this song does have a good amount of redeeming qualities. The vocal performance is stellar as always, the second verse in particular really shines, and I love how Ari's grandmother was featured on the track to close out the album.

Conclusion

Overall album rating: 88% (Great Album)

So, I guess the only good thing about Yes, And was that it made me appreciate every follow-up single even more. This album was filled with astronomical vocals, atmospheric beauty, glimmering lyrics, and of course, eternal sunshine. I promise my best and worst songs of the year list is coming soon, and I plan on posting a review of TTPD when it releases.

Favorite song: Imperfect For You

Least favorite song: Yes, And

That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeee!

Hits 1 will never make the slightest bit of sense - Hits 1 Weekend Countdown 4/6/2024

Hi! Sorry my last few countdown posts have been so late. So, before we talk about how bizarre the current state of Hits 1 is, I have a quick announcement. Since Zestpond just released his best and worst songs of the year list a few weeks ago, it's not too late to post mine, so that will be posted sometime later this week, along with my review of Ariana Grande's new album Eternal Sunshine. So keep an eye out for those three posts coming up. Now onto the countdown itself... this was yet another really bizarre week. We got the countdown leaked one day early, some questionable countdown action, a "chonkey" set of debuts in Hitbound... I still don't know anything, so let's just get into it!

Exits:

Jack Harlow - Lovin on Me (21 weeks: Peak #10)

Tate McRae - Greedy (26 weeks: Peak #1 for 11 wk)

Ajr - Yes I'm a Mess (23 weeks: Peak #7)

Countdown:

#30: Benson Boone - Slow It Down (Debut) (1 week: Peak #30)

#29: Olivia Rodrigo - So American (Debut) (1 week: Peak #29)

#28: Hozier - Too Sweet (Debut) (1 week: Peak #28)

#27: Meghan Trainor & T-Pain - Been Like This (+2) (3 weeks: Peak #27)

#26: Twenty One Pilots - Overcompensate (+2) (4 weeks: Peak #26)

#25: Usher - Kissing Strangers (+2) (5 weeks: Peak #25)

#24: Luke Hemmings - Shakes (+1) (3 weeks: Peak #24)

#23: Madison Beer - Make You Mine (-1) (5 weeks: Peak #22)

#22: Dasha - Austin (+1) (2 weeks: Peak #22)

#21: Olivia Rodrigo - Obsessed (+5) (2 weeks: Peak #21)

#20: Djo - End of Beginning (+1) (4 weeks: Peak #20)

#19: Teddy Swims - Lose Control (-2) (30 weeks: Peak #2)

#18: Girl in Red - Too Much (+1) (5 weeks: Peak #18)

#17: Sza - Saturn (+3) (5 weeks: Peak #17)

#16: Knox - Me Myself & Your Eyes (-1) (6 weeks: Peak #15)

Countdown Extra: Jvke - Clouds

#15: Selena Gomez - Love On (+1) (6 weeks: Peak #15)

#14: Shinedown - A Symptom of Being Human (+16) (2 weeks: Peak #14)

#13: Beyonce - Texas Hold Em (-3) (5 weeks: Peak #10)

#12: Taylor Swift - Is It Over Now (-4) (23 weeks: Peak #3)

#11: Ariana Grande - We Can't Be Friends (+3) (4 weeks: Peak #11)

#10: Henry Moodie - Pick Up the Phone (-1) (13 weeks: Peak #9)

#9: Renee Rapp & Meghan Thee Stallion - Not My Fault (+3) (15 weeks: Peak #6)

#8: Justin Timberlake - Selfish (+5) (10 weeks: Peak #8)

#7: Dua Lipa - Training Season (-1) (7 weeks: Peak #6)

#6: Noah Kahan - Stick Season (+1) (17 weeks: Peak #6)

#5: Tate McRae - Exes (-1) (20 weeks: Peak #3)

#4: Benson Boone - Beautiful Things (+1) (10 weeks: Peak #3)

#3: Dua Lipa - Houdini (-1) (21 weeks: Peak #1 for 8 wk)

#2: Knox - Not the 1975 (+1) (20 weeks: Peak #2)

#1: Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (=) (18 weeks: Peak #1 for 2 wk)

Debuts:

Benson Boone earns himself a second countdown song with Slow It Down. This grew on me a lot. In fact, I actually decided I like this one better than Beautiful Things, even though, as many other Hits 1 bloggers noticed, those two songs use a similar formula.

Olivia Rodrigo also has her second countdown appearance this week with So American. This is alright but far from my favorite Olivia song. I like the pop-punk production here but this is one of her more generic songs and it's kind of forgettable. I don't really care how this one does.

Hozier debuts with Too Sweet. My opinion still stands from last week. I love the production here, the lyrics are well-written, and whoever's singing here sounds good. Not much to say here, overall just a great song.

Biggest Jump: Shinedown - A Symptom of Being Human (+16)

Biggest Drop: Taylor Swift - Is It Over Now (-4)

My recommendations for Hits 1: Laufey - Goddess, Beyonce - Jolene, Iron & Wine and Fiona Apple - All in Good Time, and Amelia Moore - Name Everywhere

Hitbound:

The Beaches - Blame Brett (8 weeks)

Doja Cat & Teezo Touchdown - MASC (Debut)

Teddy Swims - The Door (11 weeks)

Benson Boone - Cry (Debut)

Glass Animals - Creatures in Heaven (Debut)

Ava Max - My Oh My (Debut)

Imagine Dragons - Eyes Closed (Debut)

Paul Russell - Eat Pray Love (Debut)

Haiden Henderson - Hell of a Good Time (4 weeks)

David Guetta & OneRepublic - I Don't Wanna Wait (Debut)

Tori Kelly - Thing U Do (Debut)

Porter Robinson - Cheerleader (3 weeks)

Girl in Red & Sabrina Carpenter - You Need Me Now (Debut)

Michael Marcagi - Scared to Start (Debut)

Jagwar Twin - Bad Feeling (Oompa Loompa) (15 weeks)

Nicky Youre - Part Time Lover (4 weeks)

10 debuts, let's go! Doja Cat is collaborating with Teezo Touchdown on MASC. This is just alright. The production is decent and everyone sounds good but it's very forgettable. Not much else to say.

Benson Boone has a new song on Hitbound called Cry. And... wow. All of his songs I've heard have been great, and this is no exception. This song is so weird but it's absolutely fantastic. Just like a lot of his others songs this evolves a lot and his high-pitched screaming somehow works. I'm really excited to listen to Fireworks & Rollerblades because it seems like it'll be amazing.

Glass Animals returns after that super annoying overplayed song Heat Waves in 2021. Creatures in Heaven is a step up from Heat Waves. The lyrics are pretty good, I like the production and everyone sounds alright but this is just really forgettable. Also, the melodies here are somewhat similar to Heat Waves.

Ava Max is also back with My Oh My. Apparently this samples an Arabic melody that was also used in Take It Off by Kesha. This is ok but not nearly as good as some of her best songs like Million Dollar Baby or Naked. It's mostly brought down by the key change. Unlike Hippo, I actually like key changes, but only when it feels necessary to the development of the song, like in Escapism by Raye & 070 Shake (the part that Hits 1 edited out for some reason).

Now for a song that'll probably debut the countdown tomorrow, Imagine Dragons with Eyes Closed. This song becomes my first light orange Hitbound song. This is just another really bizarre Imagine Dragons song. I don't know, it's just kind of overproduced and weird, but it might grow on me.

Paul Russell is back with Eat Pray Love, after the super annoying Lil Boo Thang last year and the insanely forgettable Say Cheese earlier this year. This is definitely his best song yet though. Not much to say here except it's a fun and catchy song.

When I heard that David Guetta & OneRepublic had a new song, I immediately thought, "Wow, this is definitely gonna be another one of those songs that I think is super annoying while everyone else absolutely loves it for some reason." But no, this is actually great! The production is upbeat but it certainly has some evolution, the chorus is really good, everyone sounds fantastic... I don't exactly know why I love it enough to make it a light purple song this week but I do.

Ok why are all my favorite artists putting out garbage songs this year? First it's Ariana with Yes, And, then it's Camila with I Luv It. Now Tori Kelly is back with Thing U Do, and... the thing this song is doing to me is not a good thing. It's really repetitive and weird, the production is kind of messy, and the lyrics are absolutely... not lyrics. I guess the "do-do-do" part is... fine, but it just makes it sound like a less catchy version of Tom's Diner (which is a song I really love by the way). Next.

Alright, next we have two songs that have been out for a few weeks already. First up is my current favorite song in Hitbound, which has actually been in my personal chart for the past couple of weeks. Girl in Red & Sabrina Carpenter team up on You Need Me Now. This is another one of those songs that I really love a lot without knowing exactly why. Well, it's got great production, the lyrics are an improvement over Too Much, and both of them sound amazing together... not as good as Serotonin but still a great song from Girl in Red.

Finally, we have Michael Marcagi with Scared to Start, a song that's been charting everywhere right now but Hits 1 is just now picking it up. This is also really great. The production evolves a decent amount, the lyrics are interesting, Michael sounds good... why do I feel like I'm saying the same things for every song right now? Whatever, moving on.

Also, it's sorta unbelievable that Bad Feeling (Oompa Loompa) has now been in Hitbound for longer than Vampire ever lasted on the countdown, and as far as I know it still hasn't gotten much (if any) airplay outside of Hitbound. I don't think we've ever had a song last this long since two years ago when Bibi's The Weekend was in Hitbound for 17 weeks.

Dropouts:

Fall Out Boy - So Much (for) Stardust (10 weeks)

Camila Cabello & Playboi Carti - I Luv It (1 week)

Beyonce & Miley Cyrus - II Most Wanted (1 week)

Jvke - Clouds (1 week)

Wallows - Calling After Me (2 weeks)

Liam Payne - Teardrops (5 weeks)

Alec Benjamin - King Sized Bed (2 weeks)

Kenya Grace - It's Not Fair (3 weeks)

Alex Warren - Before You Leave Me (6 weeks)

The first four appear to be in the abyss. So Much (for) Stardust was amazing and should have debuted, luckily it enters the abyss this week. I Luv It was a garbage return for the normally fantastic Camila Cabello, hopefully she pulls an Ariana and her second single is one of her best songs ever. II Most Wanted grew on me a lot, and honestly after finally listening to Cowboy Carter, I can safely say it's one of the best songs on the album. Teardrops was pretty good. It's Not Fair grew on me a lot. And all the others were alright but super forgettable and won't be missed.

Abyss:

Fall Out Boy - So Much (for) Stardust

Camila Cabello & Playboi Carti - I Luv It

Beyonce & Miley Cyrus - II Most Wanted

Jvke - Clouds

Muni Long - Made for Me

Sophie Ellis Bextor - Murder on the Dance Floor

Ariana Grande & Lady Gaga - Rain on Me

Hayes Warner, Billy B & Kevin Rudolf - Just a Girl

The Weeknd, Jennie & Lily Rose Depp - One of the Girls

Victoria Monet - On My Mama

Jennifer Lopez & Latto - Can't Get Enough

Umi & V - Wherever U R

Jessie Murph & Jelly Roll - Wild Ones

Let me blurb it down:

We lost Lovin On Me, Yes I'm a Mess and Greedy. Good riddance to all of these, they lasted way too long for what they were, especially Yes I'm an Annoyance.

Well, it's official. Lose Control is now the third song ever to last 30 weeks on the top 30 countdown. This song is getting so annoying that it becomes my first light orange song on the countdown.

Great to see that Saturn continues to rise, albeit slowly.

A Symptom of Being Human randomly jumped 16 spots this week. That was very unexpected and I actually thought it was a fake countdown at first when it was leaked on Zestpond's blog. But luckily, this is very real. Hopefully this enters the top 10 next week.

Why did Texas Hold Em of all songs have to have the second-biggest drop of the week? Texas Hold Em is growing on me a whole lot and is now in the light purple tier.

C'mon Hits 1, if you're gonna remove a fantastic song from the top 10, at least replace it with an even better song like WCBF. The last thing we need in the top 10 right now is Selftrash.

Nice to see Stick Season continuing to near the top 5. It would be interesting to see this get #1 at some point.

That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeee!

It's called "April" Fools Day for a reason - Hits 1 Weekend Countdown 3/30/24

Hey again! Sorry I'm late. Just to clarify, I am the real Hallett, and all comments under the name "Hallett" (that I know of) were really me. Wow, I never thought I'd have to say that. But now, time for a mini-rant... and it's not even about music. So, this is a confusing week, like any April Fools week. We had yet another fake countdown this time with only 20 songs, and that was two days before April Fools Day. Also, have you seen the comments on Zestpond's blog? We got Zestlake, Zestreservoir, and other zest-bodies of water, along with people commenting as Jessie Murph, Lewis Capaldi, Dominic Fike and others. There was even an entire troll blog, called "Zestpond's Album Reviews", with a fake review of Guts that sounded AI generated and was apparently created by Daniel. And this was all before April even started. Because apparently now everyone is completely ignoring the name of the word "April". I've never been an April Fools Day person, and I'm even less so a March Fools Day person.

But all April Fools jokes aside, it was an eventful week. You may have noticed I've changed my color code a bit. Well, I decided to add a light purple tier for songs that are really close to being purple but aren't my absolute favorite. Right now there aren't a whole lot of bad songs on the countdown, but I might eventually add a light orange too. As for the countdown itself, this was an eventful week. We lost three old songs, got great debuts, and finally a new #1! So, let's get into it.

Exits:

Tyla - Water (21 weeks: Peak #15)

Kenya Grace - Strangers (22 weeks: Peak #6)

Ariana Grande & Mariah Carey - Yes And (10 weeks: Peak #7)

Countdown:

#30: Shinedown - A Symptom of Being Human (Debut) (1 week: Peak #30)

#29: Meghan Trainor & T-Pain - Been Like This (=) (2 weeks: Peak #29)

#28: Twenty One Pilots - Overcompensate (-2) (3 weeks: Peak #26)

#27: Usher - Kissing Strangers (+1) (4 weeks: Peak #26)

#26: Olivia Rodrigo - Obsessed (Debut) (1 week: Peak #26)

#25: Luke Hemmings - Shakes (+5) (2 weeks: Peak #25)

#24: Jack Harlow - Lovin on Me (-6) (20 weeks: Peak #10)

#23: Dasha - Austin (Debut) (1 week: Peak #23)

#22: Madison Beer - Make You Mine (+5) (4 weeks: Peak #22)

#21: Djo - End of Beginning (+1) (3 weeks: Peak #21)

#20: Sza - Saturn (+3) (4 weeks: Peak #20)

#19: Girl in Red - Too Much (+5) (4 weeks: Peak #19)

#18: Tate McRae - Greedy (+1) (26 weeks: Peak #1 for 11 wk)

#17: Teddy Swims - Lose Control (+3) (29 weeks: Peak #2)

#16: Selena Gomez - Love On (+9) (5 weeks: Peak #16)

Countdown Extra: Benson Boone - Slow it Down

#15: Knox - Me Myself & Your Eyes (+2) (5 weeks: Peak #15)

#14: Ariana Grande - We Can't Be Friends (+7) (3 weeks: Peak #14)

#13: Justin Timberlake - Selfish (+2) (9 weeks: Peak #11)

#12: Renee Rapp & Megan Thee Stallion - Not My Fault (-6) (14 weeks: Peak #6)

#11: Ajr - Yes I'm a Mess (-2) (23 weeks: Peak #7)

#10: Beyonce - Texas Hold Em (+4) (4 weeks: Peak #10)

#9: Henry Moodie - Pick Up the Phone (+4) (12 weeks: Peak #9)

#8: Taylor Swift - Is It Over Now (-1) (22 weeks: Peak #3)

#7: Noah Kahan - Stick Season (+4) (16 weeks: Peak #7)

#6: Dua Lipa - Training Season (+6) (6 weeks: Peak #6)

#5: Benson Boone - Beautiful Things (-2) (9 weeks: Peak #3)

#4: Tate McRae - Exes (=) (19 weeks: Peak #3)

#3: Knox - Not the 1975 (+2) (19 weeks: Peak #2)

#2: Dua Lipa - Houdini (-1) (20 weeks: Peak #1 for 8 wk)

#1: Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (+1) (17 weeks: Peak #1 for 1 wk)

Debuts:

Shinedown returns to Hits 1 fourteen years later with their fantastic new song A Symptom of Being Human. Wow, I didn't expect to love this as much as I did, but it's quite amazing. The lyrics are so great, and I definitely relate to them. And this is one of the best examples of evolution right now. Although it's not as good as Vampire in terms of evolution, it's still absolutely amazing and deserves the first light purple ranking.

Next up is Olivia Rodrigo's Guts bonus track Obsessed. I knew last week would be the last time for a while where we had a countdown with no Olivia song on it. My opinion still stands from last week - I love the lyrics, and it evolves in a unique way. Great song and I'm glad it was finally released to streaming.

Finally, we have Austin from Dasha making its way out of the abyss. This faded on me a bit, but it's still good. The lyrics are great, Dasha sounds great, and the production is cool but doesn't really go anywhere and it's kind of forgettable.

Biggest jump: Selena Gomez - Love On (+9)

Biggest drop: Jack Harlow - Lovin On Me, Renee Rapp & Megan Thee Stallion - Not My Fault (-6)

My recommendations for Hits 1: Laufey - Goddess, Ariana Grande - Imperfect For You, NSYNC - Paradise, and Lizzy McAlpine - Older

Hitbound:

Fall Out Boy - So Much (for) Stardust (10 weeks)

Camila Cabello & Playboi Carti - I Luv It (Debut)

Haiden Henderson - Hell of a Good Time (3 weeks)

Jvke - Clouds (Debut)

Beyonce & Miley Cyrus - II Most Wanted (Debut)

Porter Robinson - Cheerleader (2 weeks)

Hozier - Too Sweet (Debut)

Jagwar Twin - Bad Feeling (Oompa Loompa) (14 weeks)

The Beaches - Blame Brett (7 weeks)

Teddy Swims - The Door (10 weeks)

Wallows - Calling After Me (2 weeks)

Liam Payne - Teardrops (5 weeks)

Alec Benjamin - King Size Bed (2 weeks)

Kenya Grace - It's Not Fair (3 weeks)

Alex Warren - Before You Leave Me (6 weeks)

Well, this week's first two Hitbound debus come from two of my favorite artists but were very disappointing. First we have Camila Cabello returning with I Luv It, featuring Playboi Carti. I waited two years for the amazing Camila Cabello to return with new music, and was super excited to see that she was back, until I heard the song. Um... I don't even know what's going on here. The production is really boring and messy. The lyrics aren't interesting, the verses are literally only about two words per line and the chorus is just "I luv it" repeated 9,876,543,210 times and it sounds super clunky. And Playboi Carti's verse is also really bad, he literally sounds like he's singing while half asleep and doesn't even have interest being featured on the song. I don't get it. Hopefully this is just a Yes And-type situation and Camila's next single is better.

Next up is Jvke, another usually amazing artist, with Clouds. I loved Golden Hour, This Is What Falling In Love Feels Like, This Is What Heartbreak Feels Like, This Is What Losing Someone Feels Like, and also This Is What Autumn Feels Like which Hits 1 didn't pick up. But this just isn't doing the same thing for me. It's very forgettable and kind of boring but not necessarily bad.

Luckily, it gets a bit better. Beyonce's album Cowboy Carter is out now. I've heard some great things about it. It might even be one of my next album reviews, but I'm still working on my review for Eternal Sunshine, and Cowboy Carter is 27 tracks. But anyway, her song II Most Wanted with Miley Cyrus is on Hitbound this week. This isn't as good as some of the other songs I've heard from Cowboy Carter, but it's still pretty good. Beyonce & Miley sound great together and the production is cool but it's not quite as good as some of her other songs.

Finally, the best debut of the week. Hozier is back with Too Sweet. I don't have much to say about it other than it's a cool song with great production and everyone sounds great.

Dropouts:

Benson Boone - Slow It Down

Zayn - What I Am

24kgoldn - Clarity

These all grew on me. Slow It Down is in the abyss so hopefully it debuts next week.

Abyss:

Sophie Ellis Bextor - Murder on the Dance Floor (#31)

Olivia Rodrigo - So American (#32)

Benson Boone - Slow it Down (#35)

Ariana Grande & Lady Gaga - Rain on Me (#40)

Hayes Warner, Billy B & Kevin Rudolf - Just a Girl (#42)

Nicki Minaj & Lil Uzi Vert - Everybody (#43)

The Weeknd, Jennie & Lily Rose Depp - One of the Girls (#44)

Victoria Monet - On My Mama (#46)

Jennifer Lopez & Latto - Can't Get Enough (#50)

Umi & V - Wherever U R (#51)

Jessie Murph & Jelly Roll - Wild Ones (#54)

Jelly Roll & Lainey Wilson - Save Me (#56)

Olivia Rodrigo's new single So American is in the abyss. This is good but forgettable and not near as good as most of the other songs from Guts (spilled).

I don't know why Hits 1 is playing a random Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande song from 2020 but I'll take it.

I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it I blurb it:

We lost Water, Strangers & Yes And. Good riddance to Yes And, I don't wanna go into detail about why this song is terrible right now but you'll see why when I do my Eternal Sunshine album review. Strangers was ok, but it lasted way too long. And I'm shocked Water managed to last 21 weeks on the countdown and only scratched the top 15 for one week. At least it was an actually decent song unlike that annoying Calm Down that was on for 20 weeks and never reached higher than the bottom eight until its final week on the countdown.

Wow, I never fully expected Make You Mine to make it out of the bottom 5, but I'm so glad it did. This is my second light purple song this week.

I'm kinda shocked End of Beginning isn't higher by now, considering it's in the top 3 most played songs on Hits 1 this week.

Good, it looks like Annoyin On Me is finally on its way out.

Ok how are Greedy and Lose Control still here and jumping? They've been here for nearly 30 weeks and have hardly gotten any airplay for the past few months. If Lose Control doesn't leave next week, it'll be the third song ever to reach 30 weeks on the countdown after it was shortened to just top 30 (not counting Before You Go because I'm pretty sure that debuted when it was still top 45).

Woohoo We Can't Be Friends jumped huge for a second week in a row! Now let's see it jump 13 spots to #1.

I hope Not My Fault's run isn't over yet. Hope it rebounds to the top 10.

Yes I'm a Mess is getting really annoying, can it please leave next week?

Looks like Is It Over Now pulled a Lavender Haze. I still stand by my opinion that Lavender Haze is Taylor's worst song and IION is among her top 10 best at least, so it would be nice to see IION hit #1 at some point, although that seems highly unlikely. If IION did hit #1 it would set the record for the longest climb to #1. This was previously held by The Chainsmokers & 5 Seconds of Summer's Who Do You Love in 2019 which took 22 weeks to reach #1.

We finally have a new #1, Sabrina Carpenter's Feather. If it weren't for Not the 1975, we'd have our first all green top 10. (Texas Hold Em grew on me)

That's all for now! Byeeeeeeeeee!